Hello Lovelies!

We all want to have people that stand by us; make us laugh; create memories of drunken nights out with; travel with and above all just make life more enjoyable.

Each friendship will add something new to your life. You’ll learn something new about yourself and about people/life in general. You’ll gain new experiences and above all you’ll grow as a person,because we can always learn things from one another.

There are also the friendships that fail. The ones that just didn’t make it. And this I know a lot about.Unfortunately.

In the last two years I have really been let down by people I thought I could count on. What hurt the most was that I knew I had been giving the friendships so much effort. I was there for them.But the same wasn’t done for me.

Recently I was very hurt by a person I thought would never. I don’t want to go into detail but I will tell you that it was a serious falling out over absolutely nothing (significant), I was disrespected and hurt.

What I learnt from this was that I don’t need this sort of friendship in my life. I realise now that the effort I was making was wasted because this friendship didn’t add anything positive to my life. The old me though, definitely would have been bothered about this for ages.

I’ve also drifted apart from a lot of people. I used to get really bothered when I didn’t speak to/hear from people in ages and if it looked like we might be growing a part. I’d try to push our friendship back together. It’s good to make an effort, it’s important to be active in your friendships but I’ve learned that sometimes (a lot) I need to just let go of these people.

I’m sick of being let down. If you’re my friend then I’ll do what I can to be a good friend. And yeah I give second chances. But I’m not going to let myself be burned over and over again because you know what I deserve better.

On the other side, I recently got in contact with someone who used to be my best friend. And I mean BEST friend. The issues in this friendship were that I neglected some of my other friendships and I’m not proud of some of my behavior. But here’s the thing. Those things were in my control. SO… after a year out of a bad environment (all-girls school), a year of new people and a year of maturity I’ve realised  that I’m not quite the same as I was and she probably isn’t either. So maybe it’s time for a second chance?

So the girl I thought I shouldn’t be friends with is the person I want to get to know again and the girls who told me not to go back there “that I deserved better” turned out to be the ones to let me down the most.

I’m moving on from the childish nature some people express. I’m ready to go back to college and start fresh. I’m going to put myself out there even if I’m really nervous and scared of trusting people and being let down again, but I’m going to try anyway. I’m going to go try new things and just loosen up and little and enjoy myself.

Here’s to being done with the bitches and making REAL friends.



One of those weeks 

Well this last week has been weird for me. Long story short I’ve been feeling pretty crappy about myself. It started with the official end to my first year of college. And like always with endings, I reflected. For some reason I couldn’t really appreciate the positives as much as I wallowed in the negatives-the regrets. I’d rather not go into detail about this though.

Then came tuesday morning- when I broke down crying before heading into college. The reason for this will sound a little shallow but the tears were triggered by my hair. As I mentioned in my march reflection post I got my hair cut. However, since then I just haven’t been happy with it. It doesn’t feel nice and I don’t tend to like how it looks and think about this throughout the day. I know reading this you’re probably thinking oh my god get over yourself, there are people who are suffering and your bothered about your hair-how pathetic. And yes I totally agree its ridiculous. Along with this issue that morning I was upset about my appearance-my skin.

I decided the day before not to bother doing my makeup because there was no point- I’m not good at doing makeup and I would probably look better without it #freshfaced. Hahah no that is not how it was on tuesday morning. To say the least I looked like crap! I had circles under my eyes, red patches on my cheeks ad dry eye lids. To top it off I picked the MOST casual outfit- I looked like such a slob.

So there you had me- with messy hair (greasy I’ll admit and the damn dry shampoo failed me #typical) , THE most laid back look and the look of death (because on day two study week had already killed me). I was sick of myself. Sick of not liking what I say in the mirror. I never used to be like this but I knew what had made me become this way. One word. College.

Don’t get me wrong I believe people when they say this is the high point of your life-studying what you love-meeting new people-trying new things and having the least amount of responsibilities you’ll probably ever have. However, maybe just in my case, but suddenly I am the most aware I’ve ever been of my appearance. I went from never wearing makeup during the week, wearing a uniform everyday and not really taking myself too seriously when it came to my hair and as for skin well sure it was grand for school. I went to an all girls school so this was kind of standard- we all looked ok at best so why bother worrying, we didn’t need to impress each other.

But college is a whole other story. There is no uniform its the ultimate free for all, wear what you want. We each have our own take on this, but I’ll probably get into this in more detail in another post- the college observation. So lads I feel like, are forever checking girls out- who/what they like. I think I’m just a blur here. Then there’s the fact that girls care about how they look and we’re judgemental, put that together and you have me so self-conscious about how I look and what others will think. It’s exhausting. Usually I’m grand but this week it reached a high.

I didn’t really want anyone to see me. I didn’t want to see myself. I had my cry, got a hug from my mom and then pulled myself together and put it to the back of my mind. I let myself wallow when I got home. This sort of routine continued for the week. And during this week of wallowing I decided to make it worse by eating crap- I ‘ve already noticed a weight gain why I decided to add to this is the question of the week.

I don’t like feeling this way. I’m not the most confident person, but still I don’t get bothered by these things as much as I have these last few months and especially this last week.And that’s not ok. To re-iterate my message in my last post- you create your own happiness. No one else is going to make me feel any better about how I look, I have to do that myself. I feel like this happens with all girls. We each have that part(s) that we’re not very fond of and we’re masters at self ridicule, but we need to learn to tone it down. I think its good to be a little self aware. Keep ourselves in line, humble. But too much and it ruins us.

 Next week I need to be nicer to myself, eat good foods that won’t leave me bloated and feeling huge, maybe push myself to go for more walks and definitely try new things to be happy with my skin-get that glow!

It’s tough being a girl. It’s hard not judging ourselves so much. I’ll get my mojo back and this will happen again. It’s a rough cycle. But like I said I make myself happy. If I don’t want to feel crappy than I have to do something about it. 

So that’s it for me bitching about myself. Hope you had a better week than I did. 🙂